It’s funny when you find yourself

Looking from the outside

I’m standing here but all I want

Is to be over there

Why did I let myself believe

Miracles could happen

Cause now I have to pretend

That I don’t really care

I thought you were my fairytale

A dream when I’m not sleeping

A wish upon a star

Thats coming true

But everybody else could tell

That I confused my feelings with the truth

When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody

That I heard you singing

And when you smiled

You made me feel

Like I could sing along

But then you went and changed the words

Now my heart is empty

I’m only left with used-to-be’s

And once upon a song

Now I know you’re not a fairytale

And dreams were meant for sleeping

And wishes on a star

Just don’t come true

Cause now even I can tell

That I confused my feelings with the truth

Because I liked the view

When there was me and you

I can’t believe that

I could be so blind

It’s like you were floating

While I was falling

And I didn’t mind

Cause I liked the view

Thought you felt it too

When there was me and you

From the Highschool Musical movie

–> And another song that shows how i feel…

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t wannna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I’m praying you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t wanna  run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

By : Daniel Bedingfield

–> Finally i find the right song to show my feelings

Hhhh… Percaya gak klo liburan begini gw dsuruh kerja??? Kerja’in proposal buat Science Competition januari-februari ntar…. Cape deh gw. Kmana-mana yang nyantol di otak gw yah proposal, anggaran, bikin pecah kpala. Sumpah…. Tapi akhir2nya lumayan asik juga kok bikin anggaran yang kyknya di luar akal sehat. Masak Science Competition doang bisa makan duit segitu banyak yah….??? Gw gak pernah tau. Hahaha… Akhirnya, pada hari ini gw berkesempatan tinggal di rumah, nyantai…. setelah proposalnya akhirnya gw kirim kmaren. Hehe…

Kmaren malem gw serem banget… Malam takbiran di kemayoran udah kayak mo rusuh aj. Orang2 ngumpul di jalan, mukul2 gentong dan drum, pesta taon baru aj kalah gaw rasa. Hahaha. Mana kliatannya udah pada ekstrem banget lagih…. Hiiii. Kapok gw kapok…. Tahun2 depan gak mau lagi deh kluar rumah malem takbiran.

Buat semua temen-temen, baik yang beragama Islam maupun yang tidak, yang baca blog ini, Mo’on maap lahir batin y klo gw ada salah-salah apa.

Hari ini Novena Mudika selesai. Seneng banget kumpul2 rame2 gini. Smoga harapan dan doa kita smua terkabul. AMIN!!! Lagi, yang namanya Hendro sama Christaline gak ada matinya. Renungannya selalu dalem n nancep man! Mana tadi bner2 sebuah pnutupan yang bagus banget. Smuanya aktif ngasih pendapat sama permohonan gitu. Sayangnya, pas gw pulang ke rumah, doa gw udah gak terkabul satu. Sedih banget…. Knapa yah dunia ini makin gila?

Rencana besok? Perang!!! Perang!!! Maju!!! Kita berkoalisi. Skalian Kolusi juga gpp. Hahaha…

Hhhh… Sekali lagi Dia datang dalam hidupku. Sekali lagi Dia menghampiriku. Menarikku dari dua arah. Membuatku resah. Membuatku bingung. Membuatku pusing. Seperti Dia sering lakukan dulu. Seperti Dia sering membuatku kecewa dulu. Sekali lagi Dia membawa malapetaka. Sekali lagi Dia menghujamkan pisaunya. Sekali lagi… Sekali lagi…. Apakah ini berkah? Ataukah ini sial? Yang mana harus kupilih? Darahku? Atau darah situ?

Pantaskah aku menerima ini????

Uoooh…. Long time no post. Been busy lately, coming home late every day because of Novena. it’s fun though.

So, What’s up? Well, i’ve been having some hard time these days. It’s because… this obsession of mine. It’s killing me from the inside. And whatever i do, i can’t get it off my head. Guess Yogi’s right. It HAS become an obsession. Can’t think what i’m gonna do when it’s gone. It’s going to the west, and i’m going to the east. We’re going on 2 seperate ways…
I need help getting rid of this obsession. I can’t sleep well at night and i think it’s affecting my studying too. Hhhhh……

Ich kann nicht Ihnen erklären, aber ich vermisse Sie definitiv.
Egal wie weit Sie gehen, Sie sind immer in meinem Herzen…

Remembering that i have just taken the TOEFL test today, i’ll try to tell you about it in english. hahahaha…

Today, school ended at like 11.25. Than i attended CSC until 1 o’clock and went home with Adrian. Got home at 1.30, eat lunch, take shower, and go at 2.15. I was REALLY nervous during that time. So, i arrived at SPh at about 2.45 and the school is so quiet i thought school had ended long ago. So i went around, saw a basketball match schedule for CC, then went looking for the test room. It’s still too early so i went around some more. Then suddenly at 3, the bell rang and THAT’S when the school ended. Students coming out of classes, so many of them! Some preparing to go home, others preparing for the SPH Cup. And i got the chance to see some sexy girls. Hahaha. Just kidding.
The test started at 4. Well, not exactly at 4 coz we get to fill some form first. WE really started the test at about 4.30. You wanna know something interesting? There’s this one guy, he came from Jayapura man!!! (if i heard it right…) The 1st part is reading. i think it went quite well. Then the listening part, which i think i can make it too. One of the benefits of doing a TOEFL test is that you get a lot of information besides studying english. The passages in the test is sometimes very interesting. Do you know the 3 arguments supporting that dinosaurs are endothermic animals? I found those out in today’s test. Hahaha.
Then came the speaking section. Man!!! I think i did it very poorly. Can’t pronounce the words correctly, can’t speak fluently…. But thankfully, i enjoyed the writing section. Hahaha.(please know that enjoying the writing section doesn’t mean i can do it well)
So, i got out of the class at about 8.30, coming home tired, and here i am. Typing in front of my computer. Hahaha.
That’s all for now folks. TTFN

Tomorrow’s the day!!! Man!!! I can’t believe tomorrow’s coming soooo fast. It seems like just yesterday that i registered for the TOEFL test. And TOMORROW’S THE TESTING DAY!!!! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!! God please help me!!!

Anyway, i’ve made my choice you know. Chose Biotech for major in Atmajaya, then study psychology by myself. And today, i am REALLY grateful to my faithful bicycle and the good Hansip yang pake baju tentara di depan Roxy Square. DIa udah njagain speda gw pas gw pasphoto. Jadi, formulir PMDK Atma gw udah beres! Tinggal dikumpul besok. Walopun kyknya gak akan gw terima juga sih. Iseng doang kok daftarnya. Hahahaha…

Hmm… What else should I talk about??? Nothing i guess…

So, ciao!!! Wish me luck for tomorrow.

Well, this is a problem like i’ve never had before. It’s sure hard to choose the right decision… I don’t want to make the wrong decision anymore. To put it this way, I have to choose which major i’m going to take in University.
Well, i have two choices : One is Biotechnology. I’ve planted that in my mind since I’m still in the 10th grade. I’ve been dreaming myself getting into that course. i even challanged my friend, hoping we can get in together.
But these past two months, i got another interest. That is, Psychology. Weird eh? Ever imagined me studying psychology? Me, who people said :"yang pinter IPA itu kan?" (SWT, haha) The me who got the advice "Tidak cocok mempelajari pelajaran hafalan seperti PPKn, geografi, dan sejarah" in my IQ Test result (I still laugh when i remember about that)? No, i don’t thing so.
It’s just that….. well… after all those years, i’ve beginning to get a little sick of science. And my interest in studying human psychology is getting biger. I wanted to know why people would want to do this, want to do that… Have you ever asked to yourself : "Why does people like to watch ’sinetron’ or hear love songs?" and think it thoroughly? Ever imagined that it’s because life’s getting harder and those things (sinetron and love songs) are reflecting most people’s desires in this world? Like, having a nice girl fren and have a romantic time with her like in love songs, or seeing your enemy got punished by the law of God (kena azab kayak di sinetron hidayah. Haha)?
Ever imagined why people likes action movies more than film2 dokumenter? Dsb, dsb, dsb…. Although… I don’t thing those kind of things will be studied in psychology. But, oh well….

i think i’ll sleep on it tonight. AGAIN….

Untuk semua yang membaca ini
Saya minta tolong dengan sangat
Apapun caranya
Ubahlah dunia yang sudah gila ini
Menjadi seperti semula
Dunia saya telah runtuh
Jangan biarkan seluruh dunia menjadi seperti dunia saya
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Agar jangan murkaNya turun atas kita semua
Berdoalah saudara-saudara
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