Yesterday night, I had a strange dream. Even stranger, that dream seemed to be the continuation of a previous dream I had, which I had forgotten until I woke up this morning. It was horrible… Really. I can’t tell you the details right now coz I’m still sorting it out. But the main idea is I dreamed about some people disappearing.

Now, I opened this website : http://dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/
And then I typed in ‘disappear’ for keyword and search what the dream means. And this is what I found :

Disappear
             
             
             
       
             
               
To dream that people or objects are disappearing right before your
eyes, signifies your anxiety and insecurities over the notion that
loved ones might disappear out of your life. You may feel that you
cannot depend on someone and feel that you are alone and inadequate.
You need to work on your self-image and self-esteem.  
             

             
             
              Alternatively,
to dream that someone is disappearing suggests that you may not have
given sufficient attention to those aspects/qualities of that person
within your own self. Have you lost touch with some aspect of yourself?

When I contemplate against those words, I feel that it is right. I did kinda not paying enough attention to those people disappearing in the real world. But I don’t thing that the dream could be really scary and sad. When I just woke up, my whole body was trembling and I thought that dream was a reality. I just sat there in my bed and not moved for about 15 minutes, again, trembling.

Well, I guess it could be a reality… That means I must act fast. Because 2 dreams of a person disappearing means I’m already losing 2 person. I hope I don’t get that dream again tonight. God bless me…

"Bagiku sendiri politik adalah barang yang paling kotor. Lumpur-lumpur
yang kotor. Tapi suatu saat di mana kita tidak dapat menghindari diri
lagi, maka terjunlah.” =Soe Hok Gie=

Personal translation : "For me, politic is the dirties thing. As dirty as the dirty mud. But when we can’t run away anymore, then dwell in it."

It was weird because out of nowhere, I talked a lot about politics last Saturday and Sunday with my friends. On Saturday after homework session at Dunn Bros about 9/11 conspiracy, and on Sunday with ‘X’ and Oscar about China and Tibet.

I am not the person who you’d want to talk with about politics. I know bits here and bits there. But I never really paid any attention to it. And just today, I watched the movie ‘Gie’. It’s a 2005 movie about Indonesian political situation in post independence era. Actually, that movie opened my eyes even more about political world.

Politic is a game of power. People who dwell in politics always look for power. Others might claim that they’re purpose is to create peace. But how do you create peace if you don’t have the power? And to get that power, the only way is to play dirty.

And like Gie had been, I don’t like politics. Well, at least not the big ones. But I realize that politic is not always that complicated. There are simple politics, and even those are complicated. Say you are a student and you want your teacher to be able to help you when you get low grades. What do you do? You act as though you pay attention every class time, you talk more to her, act as though you are a nice person, give gifts, etc. Aren’t those politics?

No matter how we run, we can’t run from politics. So yeah, I began to dwell in politics, little by little. But there is also a saying : "Power corrupts". Therefore, I never venture into higher politics. I stay behind the curtain, stay low profile.

The other half of that saying is : "Absolute power corrupts absolutely". Maybe that’s the reason why there are so many Presidents, or Minister, or other high political position holder (especially in Indonesia) got accused of corruption. Yes, power corrupts. I’ve felt that. You feel that because you are the leader and hold the power, you are the best. You are always right.

It all comes back to moral. You gotta do what you think is best. Best for yourself AND everyone else. Not just yourself. Be yourself, don’t wear a mask. Because in time, you will have no choice but no take it off. Learn how to love your surroundings. And don’t be afraid to say no to the wrong things. As Gie said :

“Saya tak mau jadi pohon bambu, saya mau jadi pohon oak yang berani menentang angin.”

Which translates : I don’t want to be a bamboo tree, I want to be an Oak tree who dares to face the wind

On this day last year
in a community just like ours
the "BANG!" sounded, loud and clear

On this day last year
On this day ,even halfway across the globe
it echoed, loud and clear in my ears

For days, we were all united
in wonder, in fear, in anger, in hatred…
in grief, in relief, in love, in thankfulness…
For once, we were all completely united

Why must tragedy happen
before the unity form?
Why don’t we unite now?

On this day, I beg you
On this day, spread the love
and fight no fire with fire

Realize that you are not alone
And not you alone, that are struggling

Let us struggle together
and win together
Let us live together
in this peaceful life

In memory of Virginia Tech shooting on April 16, 2007

WeHa
April 15, 2008
23:13

Yesterday, I went to "Color of Indonesia" event by PERMIAS down at U of M. Glad that I could at last meet Indonesians again. I felt like I already forgot how to speak Indonesian. Too much socializing with Americans LOL. Even my way of talking is already Americanized.

Anyway, their event was great, even though I didn’t watch it until the very end because Tiffany, who’s giving me a ride back, had to go early. But I’m glad I at least showed up, coz I heard one of the most beautiful song I’ve ever known : "Tanah Airku" by Ibu Soed.

Sung by Asa, this song touched my heart. I felt like I wanna go home. I can’t go home this summer because I’ll be working and taking summer classes. Well, watching the performances also made me realize how little I know about my beloved home country.

“We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring
will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.”

So said T.S. Elliot in his poem Quartet no. 4 : Little Gidding. You don’t know how true those words mean to me. I still remember those days of venturing on my bicycle, Early morning, late night, the dark alleys, the curses I got, the injuries. All for the sake of exploration.

And now that I am here, I understand how much my home country means to me. God, please give me strength to finish this exploration and continue my understanding of my home.

Yeah. How many of you has ever seen me lost my temper and shout to anybody? Not many I guess, unless certain people. But today, i just lost temper for a short time. Here’s how the story goes.

This one lady came in to the student center room. She asked something about club event planning to bring a speaker to college. And then this guy one of my friend just started to talk bullsh*t - sorry - and giving this direction that, which I know, doesn’t have any connection with the question. Thankfully, in the end, she got the right answer and left, not angry whatsoever, I think.

When I asked this friend, he said that he often got annoyed by that lady coz she asks too many questions. And he made a point that she has a mental illness. And I just lost my temper there.

For your information, in America, we have this policy thing which protects the handicaps and people with illness. He definitely violates that law!! Just because somebody has a mental illness, doesn’t mean you can talk bullsh*t - sorry - to them. You can just say "Sorry I don’t know the answer, but you can ask other people" instead of giving answers that you’re not even sure is right.

THINK, people. THINK before you talk…. And sorry for losing my temper.

Yesterday night I was in my uncle’s car. He’s driving me back to my apartment from my grand parents’ place. Half of the time, he was talking through his co-worker by phone. It’s about some project that friend is going to do. That person was not sure whether he’s doing the project or not. In short, he still didn’t have confidence yet because it’s a one person project. (NOTE : we’re talking about engineering projects here)

I asked my uncle whether it is a difficult project and he answered : whether it is difficult or not, it’s up to you. You know your own skill. If it is difficult, you can look for outside information. Then he asked me : "What’s the biggest project you’ve ever had?"

As an engineering student, my mind was thinking about engineering projects. Since I’ve only done 2 projects for class assignment, I picked the most recent one : robot project. Know what he said?

"No. Your biggest project is to come here (America)."

So he wasn’t talking about my engineering projects, but life projects. I admit that that is right. I took a really great risk coming here, having never stayed abroad more than a month. To tell you the truth, I actually said to my parents that I "refuse" to go to NTU.

Well, again, like my uncle said, you gotta finish what you’ve started. I’ve made the decision of coming here. And whatever the risk, I was prepared. The reality? It was a tough life here. Looking back at my 1st semester, I think I overexerted myself, studying every single day, sometimes forgot to eat. LOL. Not to mention the culture shock…

But I’m still here. Alive, well, and still getting good grades. I’ve overcome all the difficulties. There’s a saying : What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. So here I am. Stronger and more grown up…. maybe? ^^

All I can say is, the project is not over yet. And I don’t think it will ever be. So, for all of you who’s encountering difficulties in life, don’t give up. You chose your way of life. You will finish it successfully, or die trying….. I guess I shouldn’t be saying that…… ^^

Long time no see, fellas! Hehehe. Been a while. Busy at school and my internet at home got cut off. Dunno why.

So, updates! I’ve been accepted as a student ambassador. Once the
paperworks are finished, I can start working. First orientation session
is this end of month. April 28 I think…

Teaching ‘job’ going well. Yesterday, Lucky acted as my advertisement
department without my permission (LOL) and introduced Brima to me. The
usual : chemistry. Hehehe. I really can’t wait to get a job at tutoring
center…

LitMag is on its way!!!! Second draft in hand and being proof read by Ms. Taylor now. We’ll know the result next Tuesday!!! Oh I’m so excited. Hehehe. And I got a free T-shirt from reading a poetry last Wednesday. Kinda fun. Oh yeah, just in case you all don’t know, it’s National Poetry Month this April!!!! So come all ye poets!!! And let us rejoice!! For the beauty of the words will finally make its noise. Hehehe.

Back to business. Student senate executives for 2008-2009 were elected last Wednesday. I was kinda pleased because I saw faces I normally don’t expect to show. But yeah, I was also disappointed on one of the elected ones. But as long as everybody keeps her in check, there’s no way it will be a problem, right?

Spring is coming!!! To all who have yearned for the sun so long, congratulations. Hehe. It’ll be rough, people. But it’ll be fun. I promise you. So, until next post, see ya!!!